Little Miss S and the Big Boner

Valentines Day 2012 (belated): Mister E gets what he’s been wanting for quite some time. No, not that. His very own copy of Shadows of the Damned, a touching tale about a demon hunter named Garcia F. Hotspur who takes his little talking skull buddy to Hell with him to find his kidnapped girlfriend.

I’d like to say I had no motivation to buy him this game other than pure, innocent love and that all I want is for my dear gentleman to messily dispatch demons to his heart’s content. I’d like to say that, but first let me show you this picture.

Garcia. Fucking. Hotspur.

That sound you heard was a large-bottomed geeky girl turning into a puddle of “yes, please!” on the living room carpet. He combines a number of the things that make me hot, including tattoos, facial scars, stubble, more tattoos and a pair of tight pants. And to top it off, he sounds like Antonio Bandera.

Yesterday we drove out to San Marcos to buy our copy from a guy off the Craig List. I have had great successes on the CL with various types of shelving and jobs, but not so much with finding the cute geek boy from the movie theatre or the owner of a found wedding ring, so I figured my chances were 50/50. After an unintentional tour of the university frat houses – we saw a bro in its natural habitat! – and some forced consumption of popular music videos, we met the young man and made the exchange. Although he looked like a bit like a bro at first, we quickly discovered that he was the sort of young man we wanted to exchange XBLA gamertags with. It was a beautiful moment, really.

When we came home, we cracked it open and started playing Shadows of the Damned: One Giant Dick Joke. The skull is named Johnson. Garcia’s gun is The Boner. Checkpoints are poops left by a demon called One-Eyed William. Yup. We knew that from Giant Bomb’s Quick Look that it would be such, and yet it is even more awesome than expected. There are some truly creepy moments, and we’ve only been playing about 2 hours. I’m going to respectfully suggest that he only play it when I’m home, because I don’t want to miss anything good. We’ll see how that goes over.

We also used The Mangler again this morning, this time tossing in pineapple, cute tiny apples from our Bountiful Baskets adventure and that coconut milk. It was indeed tropical and delicious! I made the mistake of trying to blend it with ice, though, and it just ended up damp. Next time I might try blending a banana, some of the juice, ice and a touch of soymilk. Perhaps I will never learn. As an added bonus, the pulp that came out was delicious: like pineapple-applesauce with a hint of texture from the apple skins. Snacktastic!

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