Little Miss S Lives in CatholicLand

Currently, I live in one of the largest cities in the United States. This is different from the previous large city in which I lived in several ways:

• The public transportation sucks so badly there might as well not be any
• We are, at any given time, closer to Ethiopia itself than an Ethiopian restaurant
• If we wish to watch foreign films, a 60 mile drive is necessary
• In spite of having 1.2 institutes of higher education per square mile, I am surrounded by idiots
• Catholics. Everywhere.

These are all things I am not eating right now and it kills me.

I’m not being mean here, at least not about the Catholics, but I’ve never lived in a place where there were so many at one time. I can’t trip over a dog without being whacked with the enormous St. Francis medallion on its collar and, on the backswing, the St. Christopher that protects him “when he’s walking the neighborhood.” This is not a joke.

The problem is that, as I may have mentioned in my very long warning, I’m not Catholic. I’m not even Christian. I do make it my business, however, to be more tolerant of their beliefs than they are of mine, even when they are right in the middle of not tolerating me. This means I know quite a lot about what they’re up to, and am thereby both forewarned and forearmed. I’m also forbidden from entering most of their churches but that’s another issue altogether.

Since today is Ash Wednesday, more than half of the city is walking around with crosses and smudges of ash on their foreheads. The younger ones are taking new photos for their Facebook profiles to put over the words “Ya, I’ma give up chocolate 4 Lent OMG LOL!” The older ones are giving me looks of disdain because my forehead is clean, which makes me suspicious. I’m just glad I made it through this year without unthinkingly telling someone they have dirt on their face and trying to wipe it off. It never goes over well, especially when I spit on a tissue.

I suppose I really am a heathen, though, because I’m really looking forward to taking care of all the caramel eggs those teenagers won’t be eating.

I have the greatest friends.

Also! Look what my dearest Mr. FLF sent me – a belated birthday card with a TURTLE on it! I always love the cards he sends me but this is the best because it’s the only non-family card I got this year (nope, not even a Happy Birthday at work. I’m sure you’re shocked). ❤