So yesterday I was pretty angry. I’m pretty sure you surmised this from the fact that I was threatening my birds. While I often threaten my cats with selling them to gypsies, my birds are the ones that make me less snarly. I decided that if I’m not going to be allowed to work or be in roller derby until people are convinced I’m not going to have a stroke, I’m not going to sit on my ass and let them to decide what I can and cannot do.
I am not a person who sits around and feels sorry for myself. When I had my breakdown, I was scared to leave the house until I started training for a triathlon with a group from the YMCA. While I didn’t make it to the tri, I did discover that I loved running. I started off barely able to run half a mile and in under 3 months I was running a 5K uphill at the tail end of a Wisconsin winter. When I was running I felt amazing, like I could conquer anything. Then I got kneecapped by life and my newfound passion fell by the wayside. My shoes grew sad and accusatory in the closet, and I became jealous of friends who were running.
Not. Any. More.
Yesterday I did Week One, Day One of the C25K Plan and guess what? Nothing bad happened. In fact, I felt like I could do more. Instead of doing 4.5 mph on the jogging, I pushed myself to 5 mph. I used to be able to do a 9 minute mile, and I think I can do it again. I know it’s not the fastest or the best as far as some people are concerned, but it was both to me.
This is the app I downloaded to use; C25K Free by Zen Labs. It has a really slick interface and some excellent features, including countdown timers in different colors that I can see out of the corner of my eye and the ability to listen to my playlists. It’s free for Droid and iPhone, and definitely worth trying.
Unfortunately, Mister E became alarmed because I was so intent on not screaming and throwing things that I just abandoned the apartment. When he woke up, the TV was playing Law and Order and our car, keys and both computers were still at home. He called while I was on the treadmill cooling down and I ran back to the apartment and felt like dirt, especially when he helped me stretch out my legs.
The best part is that the same feeling of power and joy that I used get when I ran 5 miles returned, and when I was finished I felt amazing. All I could think was that I’m going to get back where I was, and I’m going to show everyone that I don’t need to be treated like some fragile thing or a bomb that could go off at any moment. You just watch me do it.