Little Miss S is an Asthmatic Ant

This morning I went to the doctor for a pulmonary function test. Two or three weeks ago I was diagnosed with asthma, which is interesting. I cough at night a lot, you see, and have been short of breath. What makes a person suddenly turn into an asthmatic, I have no idea. But when they said “you need an inhaler,” this is what I pictured:

Totally prepared for a big night of clown maiming.

And this is what I got.

This is...less than heroic.

The blue one is my rescue inhaler, which I have only had to use once. The red one is my daily steroid inhaler, which has helped a LOT with my coughing. It has a speedometer on top and cost me $60. That is with insurance. I assume it costs extra because of the speedometer.

So now that I’ve been on them a bit, I’m retaking the pulmonary function tests and they had me stop my speedometer inhaler Friday night so I could have accurate results. I did my C25K Week 2, Day 1 session early today (kept my pace at 5.0 mph 3/4 of the time! Woo!) so I was half-asleep for most of the appointment, but the nurse didn’t mind. She made me blow into this weird device that made me lightheaded over and over because apparently my breathing wasn’t making it read. Just what a lady wants to hear.

Then I was given a nebulizer treatment. I’m not sure what they put in it, but it tasted weird. They made me wait fifteen minutes afterward, then did the test again. The nurse told me that the doctor would look at them and tell me next week. I’m also supposed to get some chest radiographs.

It looks so medical.

Of course Queen Bully Bitch thinks my doctor is wrong because she’s “an expert on asthma” and calls me a hypochondriac when I take my steroid inhaler, and I hide in the closet so I don’t have to hear about it. I didn’t go in to the doctor and say “I think I have asthma.” I was given a peak flow test after I complained of constant coughing at night and informed that I had asthma based on the results. I have a blood pressure recheck next week, so hopefully he’ll be able to give me test results that I can use to tell her to shut her obnoxious face.

I’m such a sweetheart, I am.


2 thoughts on “Little Miss S is an Asthmatic Ant

    • Oh, yes! Because she and her son have acute asthma, ehe knows ALL ABOUT my chronic asthma. People can’t possibly have different experiences with disease! She tried to tell me I was imagining my stomach pain until I said “I guess the gastroenterologist just imagined removing a mass from my stomach during my endoscopy too.” Then she was all “oh. Well, you still don’t have asthma.” Bitch.

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