My doctor knows me too well. The other day, he handed me several prescriptions. One was for antibiotics. One was for steroids. And one was for the cough syrup which would become the key ingredient in a very unfortunate experiment. When he handed them to me, I said these things in order:
“I really don’t like taking antibiotics.”
“I really don’t like taking steroids.”
“I really don’t like taking narcotics.”
For someone on as many medications as I am for my blood pressure, mental health and asthma, the last thing I want is to take more fucking medications. For some reason people seem to think I love taking all these pills. People are wrong, son.
My doctor said “okay, well, how about this? I’ll write you all these prescriptions separately. You fill the ones you think you should take.” This is the absolute wrong thing to say to me. Given the choice I would rather not take any of them but I do want to continue living so I resigned myself to taking all of them until he said the following: “you can’t do any strenous lifting or exercising while you’re taking these antibiotics because it can cause tendon rupture.”
TENDON RUPTURE. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?
So maybe there was one I was refusing to take. It’s bad enough not being able to run because I feel crappy, I’m not about to make myself feel better just so I can jack up my legs and never be able to run again. He gave it to me anyway and told me to fill it if my chest started to rattle.
Of course, my favorite part of that three hour appointment was having every test in the book run on me. First, the cbc to make sure I’m not infectious. Then, a strep test because my throat hurts from coughing. Finally, another peak flow and oxygen saturation test to confirm that yes, I have bronchitis and my lungs are unhappy.
So in order to keep myself upright, I’m taking a cold and sinus medication, an allergy medication, pain relievers, cough medicine, steroids and alternate antibiotics. I’m still refusing the tendon-rupturing antibiotics because I don’t think I’m quite at the stage where I need fluoroquinolones. The rest of the meds, I’m okay with for now. I just don’t want to add any that aren’t necessary. Otherwise when I open my bag I end up looking like I should be hanging out in the bathroom at a rave looking for customers.
On the plus side, my blood pressure was excellent in spite of the situation and my use of decongestants. Maybe one of these days I can get back to the point where I’m on two pills; the crazy pill and the blood pressure pill. And maybe one day Tea Partiers will listen to reason.