Little Miss S Moves Away from the Light

It’s Saturday! Which means I’m only two days away from breaking free of my unexpected exile and getting back out into the world. Which also means…natural light.

I do not now, nor have I ever trusted any form of light.

Guys, I am a pale but warm person. I get sunburned after six minutes walking in April. I prefer it to be 70 degrees or below in my immediate vicinity. I once lived in a basement and it was the most comfortable time of my life.

You can imagine what this whole “working in the field” thing is going to do to my complexion. Not to worry, though, I always carry a container of hypoallergenic high-octane sunscreen in my bag in case of emergencies such as having to drive with the window down.

I also have sensitive eyes. How sensitive? I’m planning on writing off sunglasses as a business expense. Not even joking. I walked to the mailbox yesterday at around 2PM and was blind for ten minutes. Mister E chops all the onions in our house because the pain and burning in my eyes lasts for hours. In Chicago, my eyes would water if the wind looked at them wrong. This was a problem in the winter especially, when the tears would freeze on my eyelashes.

Basically, what I’m saying is that I’m not suited to leave the house. Ever.

Hikikomori 4 Lyfe

There are precautions one can take. The aforementioned sunglasses. Buying suncreen in bulk. Hats. I plan on stealing Mister E’s commie hat (with a Hey Pais bravery badge on it, of course) until I can get one with our organization’s logo on it. Being a liberal pinko commie tool of the Zionist-occupied media machine, it should suit me perfectly.

In spite of my aversion to leaving the house and my even more serious aversion to getting turned into a lobster, I’m really excited about my job. I’m going to be spending a lot of time driving away from other people, and when I do spend time in the company of others, they’re going to be cat ladies who are just as crazy – or more – than I am. I know this is hard to believe, but bear with me. I’m valuable to them. They’re ordering me equipment.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are going to be some shitty days. Every job has them. As long as you’re working for someone else, you have to play by their rules and sometimes play nice with awful people. But working with an organization that shares your ideals and goals, philosophy on the world and commitment to compassion goes a long way toward making the shitty days better. Even more so if your employer gives a damn about you which, judging from what I gleaned from the mountain of paperwork I waded through yesterday, mine does.

So Monday afternoon, I’m going to be heading back out into the real world with a smile on my face, a positive outlook on life, a charged iPod and a 50 gallon drum of sunscreen. I think things are going to be just fine.

Good times.


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