Geocaching With Special K

There isn’t much to do when you live in Wisconsin. People who visit really love that. They say it’s peaceful, idyllic, beautiful, and temperate. These things are all 100% true, and that is how they trap you. When you live there, it becomes peaceful, idyllic, temperate and boring. Also, the people there can be horrible poop heads but we’re not going there now. Right now we are talking about my ex-boyfriend Special K, me, and Geocaching.

I moved to Wisconsin after being friends with Special K for years, thinking it would be the best idea ever if we dated. Since you know I am back in Texas with Mister E, I’m pretty sure you can guess how that turned out. Thankfully, Special K and I are still good friends and some of our shared pastimes are still popular between us. One of our favorite hobbies when I lived in Wisconsin was Geocaching. I can’t remember how Special K and I got into it, but we had a great time for the most part.

Geocaching is basically a treasure hunt with a GPS. You get coordinates from the website, put them in the GPS and you’re off! There weren’t fancy labels when we were up to it, just plain Geocache stickers if we were lucky. For the most part they were just these bulky old ammo boxes that were up trees and shit.

You fancy now, huh?

Items inside the box include toys, coins, string, and evidence of minor crimes. You leave your name in/on the provided list, take an item and leave some items. It’s fun, and we had quite a collection of small items. We signed our names with “Team Turkey Time” and used turkey stickers that we hoarded at Thanksgiving.

Almost as useful as my OTHER blue battery-operated friend.

Our little blue GPS wasn’t expensive, but it served us well unless there were more than six clouds in the sky and we had a good time. Sometimes we stumbled into danger, such as bees or Special K almost falling off a cliff (really) but it got us out of the house and sometimes into new places we never would have gone. Like inside a cannon outside a winery or onto a squishy, marshy island.

One time we were minding our own business and just happened to stumble on something that we thought fell squarely in the category of “danger.” Well, Special K thought so. I was pretty sure it wasn’t danger but I wasn’t sure enough to get closer to the thing without a long stick. What was the thing? We’re still not sure.

It was about the size of a watermelon, concrete with a big metal hook coming off the top of it. I was curious. Special K was terrified. “IT’S A BOMB,” he said. “I don’t think so,” I replied. Just to be sure, I went up to it with a long stick to see if I could turn it over.

This was my ex-boyfriend’s cue to leap behind the nearest tree and watch me cautiously in case I blew up. As you can imagine, when I poked the thing nothing happened. I poked the side, the hook, and the bottom carefully and nothing happened. It was too heavy to turn over, but when the stick broke and nothing happened I went up to it and tried to move it. It wouldn’t budge, but nothing happened either. Through all of this, Special K continued to stand behind the tree to make sure I didn’t shower him with gibs.

Geocaching usually wasn’t quite this exciting, but it was fun all the same. I climbed up trees, down cliffs and into small spaces with rocks and spiders to find tiny caches, and I solved a difficult puzzle to find one that netted us twenty dollars because we were the First to Find it. I also fell on my phone and busted the screen, ripped the seat out of a pair of jeans and fell into a bunch of mushrooms. Like I said, fun.

By the way, Special K is still Geocaching with some friends under our Team Turkey Time name. They’ve found about a zillion caches by now and just put out their first cache. I’m so proud.

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