Alas, Poor Escort

A few hours ago I watched a guy with a flatbed trailer drive away with my car. You would not believe how many acorns accumulate underneath a car when it’s been sitting under a tree for the last year. Enough to make a tow truck guy almost fall on his face, that’s how many.

You see, last November my car decided it was going to stop working. One minute I was driving to work, the next I was on the side of the road freaking out. The way I have explained it to what feels like a million people, it was like I ran out of gas. The Dad talked to his mechanic friend, who told him that it sounds like the fuel pump went bad.

“Great!” said Mister E. “I saw a video on Youtube about changing the fuel pump! We can totally do this!”

We could not do it.

You see, the fuel tank in my car is under the backseat, which makes it super easy to get to the fuel pump. So we took out the backseat, got out a small hammer wrapped in cloth and proceeded to attempt to remove the retaining ring that held it in place. You’ll notice I said “attempt” to remove. No matter how hard Mister E and I banged on the damn thing, it wouldn’t come off. Calls to The Dad and mechanics all yielded the same advice: “Just hit it and it should pop right off.” It didn’t. The car sat gathering acorns for months until The Dad came for a visit, went outside with Mister E, hit the retaining ring once and popped it off. Right.

I watched while The Dad and Mister E installed the new fuel pump (from behind a tree just in case it exploded), and was super-excited when they turned the key. And when nothing happened, I kicked some acorns and assumed it was time to junk the old girl.

“Not so!” said The Dad. “Call up a mechanic! We’ll get this thing going yet!”

So that’s how I ended up watching my car drive away from me on a lovely December afternoon. I searched Yelp for a good mechanic and I think I picked a decent one, according to the reviews. They gave me an estimate for the diagnostics and the tow and said they’ll probably get back to me on Monday about it. This is excellent news! The really scary thing is going to be getting back behind the wheel after nine months. Provided the mechanic can get the damn thing started for less than I bought the car, of course. If not, well, maybe Craigslist can help me find a car. The important thing is that I have one, because of reasons. Reasons I will tell you more about later. Maybe.


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