What Dark Magic is This?

Almost a month ago, I went back to the psychiatric meteorologist because I was having some unpleasant side effects with the increased medication he had me on and decided that I wasn’t prepared to deal with them. Of course he wanted to see me to talk about them because that is how doctors work.

While we were there I learned two important things: my phone’s data connection hates the waiting room there and my shrink is pro-marijuana. I should have expected the latter, since he’s also licensed in California and is an NPR sponsor. He says all his doctor friends are actually supporters of medicinal and legalized marijuana, which is a good thing because with my high blood pressure and anxiety issues I’m a prime candidate for a “green card.” The Dad would be proud. I think.

He also put me on a different antipsychotic called Zyprexa. It’s for bipolar disorder specifically and he felt it would be a good choice for me. I had become deeply depressed while on the other medication because while I wasn’t hallucinating anymore, I also didn’t feel right. So he switched me to the new medication and said to start it right away. I said “sure, why not. It’s not like things could get any worse.”

I feel better.

After spending months venturing outside with Mister E only to go to the grocery store, we went Christmas shopping together and I didn’t feel the gnawing sense of panic I have had over the last nine months. I actually enjoyed being out of the house and felt pretty good at the Christmas party, too. The difference in how I felt before and how I feel now is amazing. So amazing, in fact, that I thought I would try something completely crazy. I would drive myself to the gym.

I haven’t driven myself anywhere in nine months, so I’m a little nervous about getting behind the wheel again but I want to get out of the house so I’m going to try it. The Zyprexa doesn’t make me as groggy during the day as the Risperdal did so I’m not so worried about my ability to drive as much as I am about Mister E’s slowly imploding car. Hopefully I’ll hear something about my car today.

If things go as planned, I might have a second blog post today. We’ll see how it turns out.

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