2012 was not my year. Between psychotic episodes and playing the waiting game with disability, the death of a good friend, and the Mayans not being right after all, I’m ready to welcome a new year and with it a new me.
I have made a decision to get on with my life. The new medication has me feeling steadier and more clear-headed than I have in months, and I’m going to start by going to the gym. This year I’m going to run a 5K, and I’m gonna do it for Misty, who passed on far too soon. The last time I had a breakdown, going to the gym was what saved me. Let’s see if it can do it again.
Even though I swore up and down that I would never work as a technician again, I have decided that a large portion of that sentiment was fueled by my last job. It’s hard to want to return to your chosen profession when you remember being berated and teased every day, and when you spent your time listening to people say “I don’t know why you bother keeping your certification current, it doesn’t mean anything in this state.”
While I was battling my bipolar disorder, I was in such a fog that I said I wasn’t going to bother with keeping up my certification and let it expire. Now that I’m thinking more clearly, I know I wouldn’t be happy going to work in a retail environment. I’ve been a tech for the last 10 years. I went to school for it. I took national and state boards for it. No matter how hectic or stressful it became, I was always happy in the end because I helped someone. A friend of mine gave me a plaque with the Vet Tech’s Oath on it and I plan on putting it up on the wall as a reminder. I can do this, mainly because I can’t not do it.
It’s going to take a lot of work to get from sitting at home on the couch watching The Shield to being a productive member of society again, but I’m willing to do it. I came back from one breakdown, I can do it again. I want to be able to look back in a few months, shake my fist at the sky and shout “NICE TRY 2012, YOU WON’T STOP ME THAT EASILY!” until people start locking their doors.
I can do this. I know I can.