What would any good trip be without The Unexpected as your navigator? This was especially true for me, since this was my first major outing since I started driving again. As I’m sure you can guess, I had a few misadventures.
The first occurred before I was even out of the city. After Mister E put my suitcase in the car I gave him a kiss and left, drove until I got to the highway, realized I forgot my stone plugs, and turned back around to go get them. My husband was surprised but gave me another kiss and told me to call when I got there.
On the way to Austin, it began to sprinkle. It had looked like rain when I left Lamesville, but Mister E and I thought it wouldn’t be a problem. Then the sprinkle turned to rain and my crappy windshield wipers were only smearing the water around. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack, so I pulled over with the intent of buying a new windshield wiper at the first Autozone I saw.
Only I didn’t see an Autozone. I didn’t see a Walmart. I did see a Target, but I couldn’t remember for the life of me if they sold automotive items. Thankfully they sold (one brand of) windshield wipers and I purchased it, along with two Creme Eggs because vacation. I stood out in the rain arguing with my old windshield wiper for a while before getting frustrated and just snapping off the adapter in several pieces so I could install the new one. My hands were filthy and The Dad was on the phone telling me he’d never heard of a town called Kyle, and at that point I was wishing for Austin traffic just so I’d know I was close to my destination.
At one point I almost ran over a pedestrian who wasn’t paying attention and walking at night. I also ended up driving the wrong way down a one-way street because of some confusing signage. I made a whole lot of U-turns, some of which were likely not legal. What can I say, I’m a rebel.
The other exciting mishap occurred when I was looking for the gym so I could go run. Did you know there are TWO Lamar streets in Austin that diverge and then meet up? I sure didn’t. It took me half an hour to get to the gym, and about ten minutes to get home from there when I was finished. This was also when I ended up driving into oncoming traffic. I don’t know why everyone has to honk at you when you do that. I mean it’s pretty obvious that I was in the wrong place. All the honking just makes me nervous and stabby.
The majority of the time I had RJ as my navigator, which meant The Unexpected was relegated to the backseat, where it proceeded to make sure his Google Maps app took us the most circuitous route possible, or to places that weren’t even there. When we were married, RJ and I referred to these as our “traditional Christmas adwentures,” and the phrase got plenty of use this time as well.
Before I knew it, it was time to drive home and bid farewell to the terrifying streets of Austin for the comforting familiarity of good ol’ Lamesville. About the only good thing I can say about this town is that I don’t have to watch out for pedestrians and bikers who think they can make it across the street before I get to them. Also, I know what kind of crazy the drivers around here are capable of. Austin’s crazy is less predictable.
And that’s about it. I had an amazing time chilling with RJ and the Big Man, cuddling the cat that used to be ours when we were married, watching Fawlty Towers (aka Watery Fowls and Flowery Twats), and backing into metal fences when trying to navigate tiny parking lots.
Oh, did I not mention that particular mishap?