underwater people | The Geekerella Report

Have you ever tried Dr. Bronner’s Soap? It’s great stuff. Now, have you ever actually read the label for that wonderful soap? Since I worked at the health food store, I had plenty of time to read it (though I never did send away for the magical booklet they advertise) and let it sink in.

Go ahead, click through and enlarge it. You can read the whole thing.

Basically what he’s saying on this label is that he’s insane. I am not joking. He escaped from a mental institution when he was younger and started making soap. No word on whether or not that was one of his structured free time activities. However, “Dr. Emanuel Bronner was a master soapmaker, self-proclaimed rabbi, and, allegedly, Albert Einstein’s nephew,” according to filmmaker Sara Lamm, the lady behind Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soapbox. I haven’t watched this yet, but it’s been in my Netflix queue for a while and it’s about time I sat down for some learning.

Holy. Wow.

What made me think about good ol’ Dr. B and his magical mystery medicine was a spam comment I moderated the other day, which also reminded me of my friend with the knowledge of the underwater people of the Bermuda Triangle. I have placed it here in its entirety now that it has been sent into nothingness, for both posterity and amusement. Sic throughout, of course, and the emphasis is mine where I removed spam links.

when you actually put ones ipod in shuffle and it also keeps taking part in awesome tune after amazing song Rimmel as well as O. P. I!! buut.. i simply just got just one from OPI although im very pleased with it; D Definately! akthough that was like your post for years ago, it experienced something to do with scars it’s my opinion… [ONE SPAMMY LINK] Aha! I started using it! Who pops up with that incredibly inventive stuff?! I adore it! I could do this kind of… I’m with midlife at a significant juncture with education/work/relationships, so it’s the perfect time to write a real futureme e-mail! Thanks for that link! Hey: Please don’t utilize personal attacks. I avoid using them on hand. The innovative civility, you understand? Tuscon, Virginia Technological, Fort Hood, the D. C. shooter. You term them. They absolutely are terrorists to my opinion and well inside the definition promulgated through Homeland Basic safety. You don’t have to wear any scarf around your mind to become terrorist. Ask the actual residents of Oklahoma Urban center. Certainly, increased budgetry expenses have grabbed potential unusual attacks although that happened after the ’93 attack around the Twin Towers as well. And there seemed to be certainly superior intelligence to the 911 attack too yet ’43 took a long summer holiday and ignored much of it. Today, there are usually countless “war rooms” about America which are fed brains from a large number of cameras. In Annapolis, cops on motorcycles acquire pictures regarding license plates to generate data financial institutions. Reason: one from the 911 terrorist pilots appeared to be stopped for just a routine traffic the night before the actual attack. The thinking ability gathering can be substantial and expensive. And as brought up above, with the days Square incident and others, it possesses actually been recently private citizens that have tipped from the police more times compared to not. The “ME” can be a disaster waiting to occur and each of our presence has produced a Community of Panic. But “Al Quaeda” is in Pakistan/Yemen and never Egypt currently but Isreal sure is involved about Egypt and is also not worried to push the press button. So, I ask you “Hey” is a Middle Eastern side and the usa safer at this point after nearly 10 years into a War with Terror? I don’t think so. [ANOTHER SPAMMY LINK]

The site they were linking to, by the way, was “vaporizersftw dot com.” Which should have been an awesome name for a site if they weren’t spamming the shit out of people. And we know how I feel about spam.

Some of you may not know that I lived in Chicago, where I spent the entire time completely reliant on public transportation and my own little stubby legs. It was joyous and enlightening in many ways, all of which make me hope that we either get decent public transportation in Texas or I drag Mister E to Chicago.

My most frequented bus routes were Clark (#22), Addison (#152), and Irving Park (#80) and I lived about half a mile from the Blue Line station so I used it pretty often. After constant use of these and many others, I am confident in saying that the #22 is cursed.

So many memories.

Soon after moving to Chicago a random blonde girl who looked like a Playmate shared my umbrella at the bus stop across from Wrigley Field and asked me a number of questions about whether or not she should marry her boyfriend. It’s not a particularly in-depth story but it sets the tone. Things get stranger.

On a snowy day, I took the #80 to Clark Street’s #22 stop where I was confronted by an extremely large, hairy man with a stocking cap, four bags of cans, and a pungent aroma. You know, Chicago.

He kicked off the conversation by asking me what I thought about the price of gas. He then went on to explain to me how there is a race of Underwater People that come from the Bermuda Triangle and that they had infiltrated the government and were plotting to overthrow the political structure as soon as Obama came into power.

It’s apparently hard tell the Underwater People from the humans because they look just like Puerto Ricans, only smaller and lighter-skinned. You can especially tell if they’re, you know, green or gray. There are also some that look just like Germans, though I don’t know how that fits in with the whole Bermuda Triangle thing and I wasn’t about to ask. What I did ask was if the Underwater People were there all along or if they came from the stars. He, very seriously, told me they’d been there since the beginning of time 20,000 years ago.

It seems that Zeus (who he told me four or five times was a real person) and Poseidon mixed it up at the beginning of time, at which time Poseidon was revealed to be the devil and the Underwater People his minions. The story got a little garbled here, but the end result was that Atlantis was destroyed and sank to the bottom of the ocean along with the Underwater People.

These vengeful creatures were directly involved with the fall of Nazi Germany as well, because Hitler learned too much about them and was forced to commit suicide to keep their secret. That’s why some look just like Germans, “all Aryan and shit.” He then removed his pestiferous hat to prove to me that what hair he had left was blonde. Or so he claimed. All I could see was a matted tangle of something that could have been hair or maybe a dead owl. He asked me what race I was, to which I replied “GERMAN-IRISH. YUP, THAT’S ME. NOT MEXICAN AT ALL.”

After that he moved on to the Bible and how it was written by Zeus to confuse the people of Earth, and how absolutely everything in it was a load of bullshit except maybe that part about the talking snake. That, he claimed, could have been a thinly veiled warning against the Underwater People. I was never so happy to see the #22 as I was 15 minutes after that conversation began.

He focused his attention on the driver once we were on the bus but before he got off he came over to me and said in all seriousness that everything he said about the Bible was probably a lie, but he couldn’t tell me for sure. Then he said he’d catch me later and lumbered off to enlighten the folks at the Belmont L.

Good times, people. SUCH good times.